5 Real Women Confess Their
Deepest Sexual Desires
A little while ago I went around my female friends and asked them to anonymously reveal what they really wanted from a man in bed. The results were incredibly insightful and I shared them on my blog.
I've taken the sexual desires they revealed and put them here for you. No editing, no prompting, just exactly what these women want from a lover.
From my point of view there are different stages in a relationship which change the dimension in the bedroom.
The simplest and easiest way to know what a woman wants in bed is to talk to the woman about it.
Everyone is different, some of us are prudes and haven't explored our sexuality to it's full potential, others of us have very definitive sexual fantasies and want our partner to lead us into theirs.
I like the man to take charge, and lead me into his fantasies. This only works when you have a comfortable enough relationship to know when each others' limits are, trust each other and know the difference between the fantasy and reality. I mentioned my fantasies too early in a relationship with a guy, and hadn't formed enough trust in him to know whether he genuinely cared for me or was just using me for sex. We started a fantasy and he got really into it, which normally turns me on big time, but it completely freaked me out because I didn't trust the guy enough nor know him enough. If we had perhaps talked a bit more clearly about it before hand - e.g. defined a get-out clause or special words to end the fantasy if one felt it was getting out of hand, - it may have been the best of my life. Shame.
At the start of a relationship, the couple is generally trying to get to know each other, and know each other's limits. It is sometimes too early to ask each other about the others sexual fantasies. But you need to know where you stand with a woman to understand how to read and react.
Foremost in understanding where you stand, is knowing if you are there firstly as a friend or simply as a one nighter, or a friend with benefits. Whichever it is, and whoever decides you both need to be clear of where you both stand.
Then you know whether each person is more concerned with the friendship, lifelong partnership prospects or the sex.
Another thing I like in bed is the lead up to getting into bed. Touch is a very important aspect - I like the guy to feel me all over my body - not just boobs & butt, but around my shoulders (makes a woman feel secure and loved), warming my back and arms, and stroking my hair.
I like to be turned on and wet in bed, and the best way to do that is to touch and make me feel like you're loving the fact that you're with me (i.e. you're getting turned on by me!).
For me my mind needs to be on the subject at hand, I need to be completely in the zone for thinking about sex to have the ultimate experience. I need the guy to talk to me during sex, so I don't start thinking about the things that have been worrying me all week - I need someone who can take my mind of general life and let me escape. Hence the fantasies. A guy who can describe his fantasies eloquently without making me think they're a freak, and using emotive words - BLISS.
Things that turn me off are: cold hands.
Hope this helps you and your fellas - in the end it will hopefully help us all!!
Written by 'Sam' - August 7, 2008 @ 2:00 am
What women want... in bed at least?
As Sam has illuded, there is no easy and quick answer. And maybe that is the answer, to some degree.
When you're with someone new, you're trying to find and should in fact ask - What do they like? What turns them on? Just generally what makes them tick and makes them who they are!
When a guy asks what I like, I'm almost inclined not to answer. An answer can seem so final, because what I like changes by the month, day, minute!
Too often once you find something that works - that's all you get! Well intentioned, but limiting. I love chocolate, but if I eat it all day, I don't want it anymore (well not for a while!).
Variety. Fun. Exploring. That's how you get to know someone, and really get to know what they like.
Good sex is a journey, not a destination. All too often both sexes get stuck on the one goal.
Written by 'Beth' - August 8, 2008 @ 6:00 pm
My best sexual experience: the guy paid attention to me and focused all his energy and concentration on me and pleasing me, rather than just trying to get me wet so he could stick his dick in and get off. Focus, gentlemen! It's so important! And I promise it will pay off in your favor in the end.
My worst sexual experience: a bull charging at the gate. There was a little foreplay, but then he kind of forced his way into me quickly and moved around for a minute until he came. I felt no tenderness. no respect, no indication that it was me he was having sex with...I was just a body. It was not sexy in the least. In fact, it left me a little traumatized and not wanting to have sex again for a long time.
I also want to mention that my best sexual experience guy had the smallest penis of anyone I've been with and the worst guy had the largest. So you see, size plays no part in quality of experience. At least in my experience.
Most important is that I want to feel that my sexual partner respects me, especially my independence, and wants to be with ME and not just that he wants to have sex with someone, anyone. When he's with me I want to feel like all his energy is focused on me.
I also like a guy to be forward in the bedroom, take charge, use his body and hands to worship my body, suggest new positions while respecting my boundaries.
Key word: RESPECT.
But don't take that to mean that you need to ask for permission for everything. Not talking is sexy too. Go slowly, try things out, and pay attention to how your partner reacts.
Finally, I want to reiterate what Beth said: "Good sex is a journey, not a destination." Amen, sister!
Written by 'not-so-cold fish' - August 9, 2008 @ 4:16 am
I agree with the last post. It really depends on whom, where, and at what stage in the relationship (if applicable) we are.
I can't tell you exactly what I want in bed without asking the question "in which scenario?"
I think all women love feeling beautiful. This is a must. A few complements here and there, a look in a man's eyes like he is delighted to be with her and she will be all yours.
I think in my case, I tend not to lead. You need to set the direction. The best approach is to be gentle and if it seems as if it is enjoyable for both of you, then increase the intensity more and more, always taking into account what the other person is feeling.
One thing that is a major turn off for me is when men insist on their moves. It seems as if they are thinking "It must work, damn it!". No, not all women are the same, and the pressure is more disturbing than enjoyable. It feels like we can seriously hurt his ego by saying "could you please not do that..."
Kisses, all around the place. Here, there and everywhere. Tender touching, not tender touching, and a measure of warmth in everything.
And just give us time and pace. We also feel the pressure, and we are not completely selfish or egocentric. We want to give you pleasure too: we want a smile when you enjoy it, a moan, a hair caress and loads of kisses.
And talk...a little dirty...like how you like our body and how you like our face...Sometimes you need to lie, but we forgive this. Tell us how much you wanted us when you saw us there that night. Tell us how beautiful we look in your bed. All very intimate and close in the dark.
Hope it helps
Written by 'Anon...' - August 10, 2008 @ 4:52 pm
Let me start off by saying I fully support and agree with the advice and insight already provided by the women who have placed a comment on this blog. While it has been mentioned, I feel the need to re-iterate that when it comes to sex and the sequence of events leading up to it, every sexual encounter and what a woman might want/need to be fully satisfied varies each and every time. Before I continue, I think I should specify the context for which I am offering my advice.
Most of my sexual experiences have been within the confines of a consensual relationship. If I am having sex with someone, it means I trust them enough to make myself vulnerable both psychologically and physically. In other words, when I decide to have sex with someone I am giving myself to that person, in both body and mind. Consequently, the most important thing to me, above all else, is that my partner treat me with respect and be attentive to any signals (both verbal and physical) I might be communicating.
In my opinion, sex is all about seduction. The process of seducing a woman happens way before the bedroom and is both mental and physical. I need a man to be attentive, sincere, and confident. This is a not an easy combination to master and depending on my mood, I might desire more of one than another.
Regardless, a man needs to be able to communicate, both verbally and physically, that he thinks I am beautiful, sexy, and deserving of all his attention. I think the most seductive way to communicate these things is through quiet whispers, direct eye contact, and soft caresses. In all honesty, a sexy whisper in my ear with some soft, lingering touches to my neck, shoulders, and back, will usually do the trick.
When it gets closer to the bedroom, I like both teased and dominated. For example, nothing is more exciting to me than a man unexpectedly putting me against a wall and kissing me passionately. I am even more excited if a man then pulls away a little, in a way testing me to see if I want him as much as he wants me. A few of these teasing little tests will almost always make me want to take things to the next level.
When we are finally in the bedroom, I need a man that likes to take his time, who makes an effort towards setting the mood (music/candles/dim lights etc). This is usually my favorite part, because this is where the teasing and testing can be taken to the next level. Both men and women alike, love hearing their partner say “I want you” or “You’re driving me crazy” etc. As the clothes come off, I need a man to worship my body and make me feel beautiful. His reaction can dictate whether I feel sexually open and confident or inhibited. Again, a man can do this through whispers or caressing and gently kisses.
Once the clothes are off, a man should be fully attentive to what my body may be communicating. At the same time, I think it is important that a woman be able to communicate, either verbally or by moving his hands etc., what she likes and wants more of as well as finding a way to subtly alter something a man may be doing that just isn’t doing it.
Sometimes, the path of seduction that leads up to the final act is almost more fulfilling than the act itself. For me, and for many women, having an orgasm is not the easiest thing to accomplish. Therefore, the better the foreplay, as well as the gentle and respectful way a man treats me afterwards, the more likely I am to want a repeat performance.
Written by 'Sydney' - August 21, 2008 @ 2:56 am
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